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Darkness engulfed the world under its blanket while I worked away in the fifth Chamber Library. The crumpled, torn, and fragile manuscripts of the old manuscripts kept my eyes straining over the discolored faded symbols that it revealed.

The symbols had graphic geometric configurations, eight squares lay upon four triangles, three squares within six circles, a wheel of hundreds of spokes crossing a single center point.

These familiar symbols were just beyond my comprehension. In the old books I searched and saw the same shapes again and again repeating themselves. Unusual words in visual geometry frame the symbols in messages in vibrational patterns.

Ancient iron bells chimed outside from the Tower of Ingersol. This aged reminder of the past menaces the passing of night. The chill in the air sharpened. I gazed out at the old temple. The Ingersol's old beliefs in supernatural magic is infolded in the masses. They control the minds of millions.

The Solians keep ancient secrets.

They have kept arcane mysteriously rituals of the ancient founders of the Ingersol while creating a superstructure business in contemporary society. The presence of their thought forms are in all and through all. They wear the robes of hypocrisy under the cloak of holy visage. I remember it too well. The bellowing sound of the bell proclaims their power.

The slow approaching day light edges up on the horizon. Night begins to give way. City sounds arise. The Hyrayarch Sanctuary shimmers elegantly shining a beacon to the wayward ships in the harbor. Sleep has been impossible with the excitement and challenge of the discoveries. I know I need rest to become more productive yet the words and symbols draw me on to the ancient pages.

I work on and on feeling my mind drift away from sensible consciousness. Sore from the hours of staring upon the foreign words and symbols I stand up stiffly at the balcony. Looking into the early morning twilight the lights of the Ingersol are still burning. They were awake also. Old thoughts pursue me through the escaping empty night.

Papers are scattered all over the desk and I lay my head upon them in memories of being a solian with the evangelical zeal. Simple minded, deceitful and distasteful in remorse I remember it was all about control. Everyone wants this and they have thousands who pay dearly for their treatments and embrace their doctrines and walk through the tunnel. I tasted the elixir. I hypnotized others and led the life of a hypocrite. Deeper into deeper into dreams and memories. I remember places, people, words and deeds.

It is so easy all you have to do is come with me, I said. Listen, future Solians, you are special it is for you to rule this world. I have entered into the First Degree and can speak with the Masters. You shall follow soon if you pay the price that is demanded by Sol.

Very Soon! Very Soon! The doors of the Temple hidden within our world will open and all Solians will be freed from pain and suffering. You will be able to enter into the Life of Sol. All the others who have not received the words or entered the Hall of the Ingersol will be lost and fall into the Pit of Shame.

In the temple of Agoll, the structure stands tall and monumental with a special grace and power. My class were full and I taught those of the province of Ra and Tauzn. I traveled far and wide, renown throughout Rota. Hundreds followed.

I was a Solian.

Tharn Selim, my director, was proud of my effort. He was eloquent and his voice flowed like a deep river. In respect and awe of his smooth delivery I heard his words and hoped to share the pedestal with him. For I wanted to attain position within the Echelon Alliance as he had done. Tharn's skin was fair and his blue eyes captivated those he spoke to. His words were spoken from the right side of his mouth with a smile and a twinkle in his eye. This small oddity was a quirk that he was famous for. He gave all that came into his contact a feeling of power. His middle name was glamour. I respected the ground he walked upon and wanted to be like him.

Only Humlin the Presider of Ion was more in command within the Ingersol. I did not know the darkness inside them. I was blind to it. It was Humlin's power to see the future and to set the course of the Ingersol. He was in charge of the Spiritual Directors of Ingersol, SDI. With that designation his power and authority grew and so did his will to gain more power.

I recall Tharn's association with Humlin. Humlin stayed in the province of Regis at Echelon City. To be called up to make the journey to Echelon is a great honor. Disappointment stayed with me and my broken dreams followed. I was so close, but cast aside, I would never be able to reach Echelon. I moved from Alpera and left Rota. A new life in the city of Bellax could bring me back into the favor of Tharn and Humlin.

Tharn told us to bring in more and more to the conferences and to enlist the service of the great ones.

Follow the star of independence, Rysa. Tharn told me. This is your way, your are the best I have ever had in my service. I wish for you to be taken up to Echelon, to be made Solian Director and placed upon the halls of record within the Echelon Alliance.

I brought in friends that are just faces now; Nadd, Lart, Gerg, Eusa, Pater, and so many others who have faded from my memory. Many lost their drive and their vision, the vision I instilled in them. They followed me until I could look into the future and see only emptiness.

Tharn stayed close with Humlin. He would never leave his Presider's vision. Humlin's mission guides Tharn on. They spoke of the war with fervent passion and the price each Solian had to pay to enter into Echelon.

You must pay the price and fight for your life, Humlin said in the Solian Conference. You must listen to our truth and there is no other. All others lie. They have told you lies and you have believed them. Now you must pay the price for truth and walk away from the old life. I will assist you to become free of the pain but you must pay with your time and serve the Ingersol before the gates to Echelon will be opened for you.

There was no doubt in my mind until my friend, Nadd, felt the sting of pain at the hand of Tharn. Tharn let his words rip through and denounced Nadd as worthless and shamed his record. He was eliminated from the roles and from the Hall of Triumph and put in the Wall of Shame. I had brought him into the Ingersol and for that I was blamed as well. How could I, First Rector of Bellax allow impurity to enter into the Ingersol. Had I not qualified him and made sure that he was worthy of the power of the position. He had been willing to go to Echelon and was chosen by Tharn, but he returned in dishonor. But Why? Why did he take away this friendship from me that was so important to my life.

Solians you must believe in Sol, live for Sol and never ever think of life without Sol.

It is the only way. The ancients have handed down this last message to us and no other has this word. The Oath of Sol will protect you and save you from the abyss that is coming quickly.

All of this brought me back into the shame of Myshel. She was shamed for loving me. I was shamed for her. This carried with it the stigma. I was always different and carefully watched by the Ingersol. They had groomed me for power. With Nadd placed on the wall of shame I felt the pain of this exposure. He was my closest friend and was shamed, he was wounded and could never reach Echelon. I too was shamed and it brought back all the memories I had wanted to forget.

I paid the price eagerly and I followed the path until the day when Nadd came to me and told me his life was being inspected by Humlin. Tharn said he was found to be deficient and was excommunicated. They gave him no option but to leave and sent him out of Echelon City. I was so proud that Nadd had reached Echelon before me and hoped I could follow him soon, but with his return he was broken inside and I was lost without his enjoyment. He was a friend and they took his hope and dream and with it mine.

Everything that I had worked for disintegrated.

His pain was mine.

I was in both physical and emotional distress. The OBS affected my mind, my soul and left my body in defeat. The failure to achieve the high standards of Echelon was my disgrace.

The Ingersol has no words for failure except shame.

I failed to gain the power.

The wound is deep and sure as if they had knifed me. I began to feel the effects of confusion, the OBS virus had infected me. I lost my physical power. The tiger inside of me died. My soul lost its greatest power, confidence. I was in shame and could not face life again. My diseased symptoms led to estrangement from associates and depersonalization from all my friends. This began a chronic illnesses. I could not defend myself from attack or from addictions. I lost my way drifting into a mental coma. In chronic depression and deep memory loss I became dependent upon the drugs of the medical conglomerates and addicted to the underground.

My life began was like watching another life at a screen play. Feelings left me in a stupor of the unknown. Constantly lost, I wandered aimlessly without purpose. So devastating was this time that I wished for death again and again only to awake in the shame under the light of the sun.

I wandered the streets of Bellax tired and afraid of everything. My loss brought me to look at life. I saw hypocrisy and desperation. I was disassociated from my body for days and weeks. I found myself traveling from place to place and living in a cave near the ocean. I would then leave and go to the mountains to sit in the sunlight and ask to be shown the truth. I still believed. I was afraid not to believe in something, even if it caused me pain.

I would go to the city and see the buildings, vehicles, and people but I was on the outside of time. I could speak to no one. I was plagued with OBS. When I spoke they would run from me, and throw stones upon me. I was restricted my the government to the camps but would escape again and again.

I began to look for a teacher who would guide me back to power. I was in Ion with no friends anywhere. In Bellax, I was alone. In Bellax the infected were supplied with drugs by the Medical Conglomerate The drugs kept me out of phase. My time passed in hallucinations. I saw nothing real and lost intelligence falling into further degeneration. The days were full of dreams. Everything happened in fantasy. I was placed in a care facility for months until I escaped again. I wandered in the forest in a fatigued dream. I was in the last stages of desolation from OBS. My recurring night dreams were alive with terror. In limbo during daylight and terror in the darkness a teacher came to me.

Please drink this, He said and gave me a small white bottle. It will connect your mind to your heart.

With that he was gone. This seemed to be a dream but I drank the sweet liquid.

During my dream journey that night I awoke within the dream. New information came from my unconscious in symbolic shapes and faces of light. You are not wrong, or shamed by Zyan. I was told. You are strong, full of life and beauty. In the dream I decided I was not controlled by what the Ingersol thought of me. I was only controlled by my own thoughts.

I began to find my spirit and retrieve it.

My life was taken away from me but I found in the dream journeys parts of my soul. They were hidden from my consciousness. I saw them as jewels of experience. The dreams were strong, lucid and powerful. I followed powerful spirits and Nelans to mountain, into caves, in forests, and on islands facing old foes and animals who guarded my spirit or devoured my soul.

My scattered remains of personality were all within my dream world. I found parts of myself I had never known. I broke through the dream experience of failure at the hands of the Ingersol. This was the only way I would have found the courage to see I was empty. My real spirit was stolen from me long before. I had to face the directors and break away. I chose for myself and trusted my own intuition. I believed I was sane before I returned to awaken.

The Obscurative effects of OBS were very strong. Life and death intermixed in the dream journeys. They continued until I found my wounded heart by a tree on a river.

I was in Alpera and there it was. I was with a young girl, Myshel. She and I enjoyed life we would play, sing and dance by the river day after day when we were young. My heart was hers and hers mine. I played in the sun and near the grassy shore for hours and hours until the sun would set. The dream showed me a heart that was open, mine as well as hers but there could be no love, no sharing, this was wrong.

We loved each other under the tree when we were older. Myshel came to become pregnant and was taken away. I lost her love because I loved her. The Ingersol and government would not allow her to marry. Marriage was not allowed. All children that could be born must be born in the Hospitals. The mothers were held in scrutiny until birth. She was taken away. It was reported to me that both had died. I was told by letter. This was the effect of love. We could not love. Love was dangerous, love kills. The Ingersol that I had worked to be part of me and had broken my heart, had broken it before, with the shame of devotion.

They shamed life and killed love.

We wanted to share our bodies with each other but this was not allowed. We were forced to live within the communities. There is no love in the communities. The changes from the old ways of families have changed all of Alonia. Everyone is alone. There is no heart that is open. I found my loss, my wound, for I loved and lost. I have given my heart, my life's blood and it was dishonored.

Since that time I realized I could not love for the child of mine would die under the custody of the government and Ingersol. I would die under their discipline, I would sacrifice myself to earn them back. I was traumatized. I stubbornly refused to return to Alpera, to see the tree by the river or remember her. My soul was never mine after that day. This child was lost to us and she to me. It is not safe in this world. I wanted to reach for the Echelon Alliance and remove myself from the world as far as I could.

In the separation I loss my own source, it was stolen. My heart turned to stone. I still feel the emptiness because I have known love, but saw it taken away and told it was dead. I still do not believe she is gone. There is something that holds me in this faith.